As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
