im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
