I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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