How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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