Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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