yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
