Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
