When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
