She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All I want is dick and wine.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
