This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
