Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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