i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
