Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
