Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
