thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
