I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
