I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
