Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize