WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
