we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
