Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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