yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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