he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
