Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
