and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize