i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
