Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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