You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
