Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
