He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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