Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
