How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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