I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
