So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
