$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
