Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
