my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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