We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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