Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
