Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
