your parents love me but you hate me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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