TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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