No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize