I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
