Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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