I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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