you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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