I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
