Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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