I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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