I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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