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please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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