Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
