remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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