it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
