we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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