Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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