Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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