This girl is more easily done than said...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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