so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
