did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
