Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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