I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
