Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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