I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
