PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
