i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
