my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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