And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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