nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
