I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
