you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
