even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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