I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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