i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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