my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
