i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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