Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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