I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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