I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize