i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
