I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
