Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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