waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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