His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
