Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
