you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
