He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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