you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
