There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
