i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
