I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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