It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
