I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
