i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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