Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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