ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
