Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
