so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
