drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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