maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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