i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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