I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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