Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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