It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
