Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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