Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
