wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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