I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
