Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
