God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
