Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
