The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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