The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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