College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We just shotgunned beers for America
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
