Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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