...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
